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Never Enough

It’s been three years since I enter this new phase of life called college. This journey has been a roller coaster for me, with its own ups and downs. Sometimes I feel ok, but most of the times I feel I am never good enough for almost everything that I do.

I know how insecure it may sound, but this thought has been lingering for two years now. Being in an environment where I am surrounded with talented, smart, and even brilliant people, I always feel like I am super small compare to them. In my college life, being a student of International Relations major, I am surrounded by those who have super deep and thorough knowledge, either about world history, war, economic policies, foreign policy, law, or current politics. Or, those who have a very awesome negotiation skill, where they can be super persuasive and charming, picking subtle words where it will not hurt people. Or, those who have amazing capabilities in writing very good papers, that those papers can inspire and give you something to think about for the next few weeks.

Being trapped in the middle of those super individuals, I find myself questioning about my ability for a lot of times. My knowledge is limited, not that deep. My negotiation skill is poor and inadequate, those who know me must have known I hate sugarcoating.

I know it’s no use to just rant here, so instead of self-loathing, I will continue my assignment then, to make me feel less useless than I already am.

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